The Ghost of You

I haven't posted lately here, because I haven't felt the need to.

Today I do though. I think this weekend I could have a break down....hell I don't know. What if he ends up with a girl there? *sighs*

Right now I feel like all I've worked so hard for....has just...died.

That I want to write something terribly pissy and mean right now, but I just don't have the energy to do it. She's not worth it, why the hell did it take me this long to figure it out? That she just isn't worth it, so easy to say, so hard to come to terms with it.

Norman was fun, albiet a little disappointing. No single, cute guys to hang with, which is utterly depressing. There was this -gorgeous- man and oh so freaking perfect to look at there, we chatted he flirted and then....wham - damn girl friend. Urgh, why waste my time talking to me, rat bastard.

So this weekend I'm just going to chill at home and relax. Which is exactly what i need.

I swear, I constantly feel like I'm in my truck. I pretty much live in this damn thing. I'm on my way to Houston this weekend, next weekend I'm on my way to Oklahoma. Oh the joy. I just had to replace my tires this weekend, four of them, $400.00 bucks later. Have I already said Oh the joy this morning?

I am heading to Houston (actually Tomball) to stay with my good friend Queen Elizabeth, (Yes name changed) to pick up a horse and go to TRF. I have yet to go, so I'm looking forward to it. It is the first weekend as well, I wonder how crowded it will be?

So I'm picking up my new barrel prospect, Aggidore Sparticus. The name fits amazingly well, this horse is absolutely stunning. I mean he just takes my breath away. Not since Dance have I seen a horse with such natural movement. His extensions are amazing, its like he is moving on air.

I'm pretty excited about the faire. I'm hoping to have good fun, but I am not looking forward to the drive.

Today is the interview. Let's hope this works.

Second interview for the new position tomorrow. Woot - more money. Woot! Woot woot!

Ryan came over last night. I haven't seen him in a long time. Sort of odd really. He was a guy I was seeing and then, he moved to Houston. Its a much more sorted story than that, but really its not worth getting into.

He is escorting me to my birthday party, which is nice, he's a handsome guy. Fights Tae-Kwon-do (yes, I'm sure I did not spell that right)and plays softball, in great shape. He is a Dom and honestly that is what first brought us together. But now I wonder if he has the personality of a nail. Ya know? Kind of sharp on the ends, but mostly flat at the bottom. No spark really, not that there should be just now having ended things with the "EX" recently.

There was one hell of a rain storm on the way to the costume shop. It actually knocked the power out there for about 15 minutes. Odd, and spooky in a way, but cool. Ryan bought a doctors costume that says, "Dr. Seymour Bush." Ms. M and I convinced him to write out naughty perscriptions. Hehe, that should be amusing.

All in all it was a quite night. He bought us dinner and then we headed home. I waved him goodnight and that was that. I'm proud of myself, the last time we were together naughty things happened. Not that I couldn't use some good sex, I've had it pretty lousey for the past year and then none the previous 4 months before that, but I digress. I behave and didn't act like a whore so I'm proud of myself.

More like children. But that is another rant for another day.

I have been asked by a specific group within the above orginaztion to 'referee' for them this next weekend.(Note: Yes I am not using specific names. Lest the vile demons in this said society come stalking.)

I'm not sure how forward I am looking at this. I really hate refereeing in this society now. Basically its a bunch of people who honestly know very little about horses, yet already have a big head. I am dreading it if Ms.T&A is there. God knows my temper is just about as tweaked as I can stand right now. She actually makes me physically tic with her insseciant need to have people like her. Bah! If I was worried about people liking me (which really is sort of a qunundrum seeing as I worry about it, but just don't actually do anything to make them like me) then I would never have time to do anything and probably would never come out of the house. Hmm...intersting thought. Maybe I shouldn't ever come out of the house, then my skin would be porcelain like Queen Elizabeth's.

So yes, this is probably my most favorite event of the year. Yet, I feel like I'm going to have to fight myself to make sure I'm happy at it. Bleh. So on top of all that I wonder if the Ex BF is going to be there? I hope not. That'd be one hell of a way to ruin my fun at this event.

LOL - My buddy at work just painted a pink ghost for me on the bulletin board in observance of my Halloween B-day. How cute.

Rant off.

Today is going to be a better day then yesterday. I'm going to make it that way. I demand it be that way. You can make yourself belive something if you say it enough times right? So let's see. I'm now going through a break up, recently single, 14 days so. He is gay and a crossdresser, but is afraid to admit it. That's really the jist of the problems. His anger was evenly distributed on me, and myself back at him. We fought all the time, mostly because I am an attractive woman..and yet he wouldn't have sex with me. That seriously tipped me off to the gayness. Then I found out that he had "thought himself gay at one point" and "Really likes to wear women's clothing." This is a year after I had told him my feelings about dating a crossdresser